Hindsight

They say time heals all wounds, but I tend to disagree. For those of us who shove our feelings into the abyss until they begin to pile up to the surface, healthy displays of emotions are...foreign. Of everything I have ever painted, this speaks not only to me, but from me. This was born from a series of unfortunate events, and two hours alone with just my thoughts and a whole lot of mozart (courtesy of pandora). Sometimes it's good to feel, without feeling. What I mean is, I poured my guts, all my darkness and resentment into this painting, but no one will ever know what it truly means but me....and the few I've actually shared it with. This way, everyone who can relate, will do so without bias. Art heals MY wounds. 

P.S, this painting isn't finished.

....If I sold it, would you buy it??

How do you solve a problem like Pahdeeyah?

So it's your bday, and I was going to guestblog for you...but idk how the heck to do that so....this is what you get.

So...How long has it been so far? 3 years? Something like that right? You know it takes a lot for me to open up to people. And you ALSO know I hate corny/mushy situations. So, I will just go ahead and say (savor it, because I'm only gonna say this once) that your awesome. Plus you better feel special because I'm coming back from a 2 month hiatus just to post for you! (I could be catching up on my chem homework!)

Rather than regale tales of amorousness, which would surely make me *barf*, I have a picture thingy (montra? mantra? non-sliding slide show?) of memories. Yay! Let's begin.

This was a while ago, huh? I love how we were all wearing blue that day. Totally by accident too! We practically live there. Yay for free food!

Case in point...this day was a little awkward though. I clearly remember. And of course the Africans showed up late....or was that just me? JB looks cute!

Again at Bennihana's, but in VEGAS this time! It was super fancy, huh? Look how luscious your hair is! I did a good job with this pic. *toot toot* (I stole that from your blog post haha)

Speaking of Vegas....ok let's rewind.

You're no Jill Corona, but you took some good pics. Clearly, so did I.

Speaking of Jill Corona...

You look like a teenager in this pic. I can't believe you're already 40...seems like just yesterday... (LMBO)

oh...right. Jill Corona does amazing work!

...and so do I! :-)

Omg do you remember how...ghetto our room was? We did have an amazing view though. Plus, none of us spent much time there anyways....but it was too damn noisy in the mornings. I thought vegas was a nocturnal city. WRONG!

I know you hate this pic, but I like it! and I look cute, damnit!

You always made fun of me for being a hermit. I can't help that I hate people and love sleep! Nevertheless, I came out this night to shut you up. Idk how I got convinced to go watch Final Destination 3 (almost in 3D!) You guys know I hate scary movies! Jerks!! Oh and THEN you make fun of how big my head looks in this pic! Why do I hang out with you guys? smdh.

ROADHOUSE! Texas Roadhouse and a movie!

But not before taking...

a bunch...

..of RETARDED pics! You've always been a thunderstealer. smh.

We've been through a lot together...*cue corny music*

I JUST noticed, my gloves definitely don't match...what was I thinking?

The shenanigans didn't stop there. Haboobs! Sn: who else would do this in a movie theater restroom? We're so embarrassing sometimes. Atleast we're cute :-)

Everyone wearing boots BUT Alisaar. What movie did we see that day, anyways?

Gosh you're short. I think we were skipping away shortly before or after this was taken. Good times lol

Me and Whit's bday fun! I cropped Garrit out because he was sitting too far away. Maybe we can do a redo today!

You love me even when I don't comb my hair! Awwww...

That's why I do things like this...

to make sure you get things like

This (yes I stole your thunder) because you deserve it.

So basically,

Happy stinkin Birthday! Don't say I never gave you nuffin. :-P

Nepotism...and other Injustices

This is a screen shot from the episode of the Office: Nepotism. (I LOVE that show!!!)

Someone once asked, "...Is there any justice in the world?" for some reason, I don't quite remember who that was. I think it was Bob Marley, but I can't be sure. I can't answer that question with any amount of certainty, because any answer to so open ended an inquiry would be pure speculation. Is there any justice at my place of employment? Definitely not.

I've been working at this place for three years. I recently discovered my boss only remembers me working here for half as long. Half the people here mispronounce my name. My name is Diana. They call me Diane. Despite my tireless efforts to advance in this company, I have only managed to procure a small raise. That was only after my coworker and best friend quit. I took over her RPS. That's not even the worst of it. The racism I've noticed is dumbfounding. Whenever a crime is committed by a non Caucasian person, people's face light up like it's Christmas. I've noticed certain employees receiving preferential treatment because they engage in conversation with supervisors more than others. When I work by myself, I cannot leave my station to go to the bathroom without a complaint being sent to my boss. My boss doesn't think I'm competent, even though I am now the senior (in terms of years worked) of my position (excluding my immediate supervisor). An employee that I helped train received a recent promotion (which I didn't apply for....actually only one other person did, and they didn't put in their full potential because they had other options) and now, this employee is now favored above me. In terms of being acknowledged and trusted to do an effective job. The funny thing is, no one else seems to notice this person's incompetence. I'm the kind of person that let's my work speak for itself. And I know it's speaking loud enough, but it's being muffled by the sound of an insecure overly boastful child prancing down the hallways waving an "I'm so awesome! Look at ME!" banner. There's now talk of an incentive program for certain employees. And a wall where they can hang awards they've bee given. It's funny how no one (non Caucasian) in my position (job title) has been given as much as a kudos for dealing with loud ignorant idiotic people who threaten and verbally abuse us on almost a daily basis. But for an employee to keep their eyes open during camera duty and actually function the way they are supposed to, they get a certificate or a pizza party. I was told not to expect praise or recognition for doing my job. Seems like a bit of a double standard to me. Because I have performed my duties to the fullest of my abilities while overcoming adversities that these awarded employees not only don't face, but sometimes cause. And people can't even get my fucking ENGLISH name right. It was even the name of a fucking Princess. A very famous one at that!

It's not like I'm even sitting here pouting about not getting a pat on the back. Honestly I could give a fuck. I don't even get the minimum amount of respect or common courtesy half the time. That's what pisses me off. There's this one person in charge of a lot of important things that affect how our department works, as well as the campus as a whole. He is the most douchiest, temperamental fuck it has ever been my displeasure to encounter. He constantly treats me like he's superior and I'm a lowly peon with no knowledge of anything slightly complex. So sometimes, I act like I don't know what he's talking about...just to spite him. AND YET when he's somewhere else doing who knows what (which he always plays up and tries to make it sound more important than it is) he expects me to perform certain aspects of his job. Even though he already has an assistant (who he also treats like shit). He can go fuck himself as far as I'm concerned. He's such a diva, it makes me sick. There was other person who I used to consider...not really a friend, but slightly more than an acquaintance. I helped this girl with many things (especially her mess of a personal life) along the years and one day she decided to grow a pair and tell me if I didn't like my job I shouldn't come to work. Well, naturally I went off on her. It became a big argument that had to be stopped by the boss. Was she reprimanded? No. In fact, in the end, it was made to look like my fault. There was another incident where I was performing some necessary testing on one of the emergency systems and was given a hard time by the two employees assisting. I was trying to streamline the process so it would be easier for both parties in the future, but they wanted me to just give them a list of what they were supposed to do and let them run wild. I had observed the way they worked with certain processes in the past and I was no comfortable with what they wanted, so I said no. They gave me attitude the entire time and made the whole process unnecessarily long and tedious. I, of course, sent a complaint via email, and exposed a rumor of certain inappropriate actions. The two guys were fired the next day. Was their disrespect towards me addressed at all? No. They were fired because they lied about those inappropriate things I exposed. And there happened to be proof against them.

Give me a fucking break. My only consolation is the fact that I will be leaving soon. Although soon for me isn't nearly soon enough.

...Idk

Wow...I haven't posted in forever, huh? I guess I really haven't had anything to post about, except maybe my ridiculous girl-crush on tea noir. I've mostly just been pissed off at just about everything. Recently came back from my cousin's wedding. It was a beautiful wedding and I'm SO happy for her and her awesome hubby...but I had an awful time. I've mentioned earlier that I take acetazolamide for my AMS, well, it turns out moodswings are a side effect. Add that to my mild agoraphobia (self diagnosed), and misanthropy and you get a wonderful weekend. Boy...was I ready to come home after that. AND I have to take the meds at least an hour before I fly so it's in my system. During our layover in Denver, I took them and then...our flight was delayed...3hours. The meds increase the amount of oxygen in your bloodstream. So not being at a high altitude and having (this is me speculating) double the oxygen in your blood, is very VERY uncomfortable. So I sat there sick for three hours and THEN (as if this wasn't bad enough) I ended up having to take ANOTHER pill for the actual flight because the one I took in denver had worn off. You are only supposed to take two per day...that was my third. They say it affects your liver. :-/
...I may just be imagining these liver pains....

Anywho, today is the first day of a very important conference; PaGAF: Pacific Ghanaian Adventist Federation. I'm a little bit excited. My singing group has a couple of songs to perform, and I'm really hoping we blow them out of the water. This is actually the first year we've had an opportunity to perform. Today is going to be hectic. It's when everyone is going to be checking in, and it gets pretty hectic. My concern is people. I generally don't like them...well massive amounts of them in one location. That's when I shut down. But I'm really making an effort to try and change that. I hope everything goes well and I have lots of pictures to show and plenty to blog about.

SO...I didn't have a car for work today. I ordered delivery from my fave chinese place Pong Pong.

The guy got pissed at me because I didn't tip. First of all, I don't believe in tipping. But if anything, a tip has to be earned, not expected. This guy definitely didn't deserve a tip and the nerve of him to yell at me for not giving him one. I was beyond livid! Check my FB status:

How the ______ do you yell at somebody for not tipping?! PONG PONG I'm putting you on blast today "you never tip me, I gotta buy gas" are you _______ kidding me? Do I look like your financial advisor? If gas is an issue either don't deliver, or add delivery cost on your menu. GTFOHWTBS! Don't make me report you to the BBB with that. This fool was bold. Lucky I was at work. #PISSED 

Like seriously. I was already having an awful morning and now this. I had half a mind to call the store and complain, but I decided it wasn't worth it. I'm taking my patronage elsewhere. That guy needs to learn what customer service is about. I brought them customers. I told my coworkers about that place and now they love it. When you're in the business of foodservice you should really value your customers because they can make or break you.

...today has been a crappy day and it's not even over. *fingers crossed for tomorrow*

Re: These Feelings

This is for you, Rubby Serwah Gyamfi.

Why does the heart always contradict what our mind tells us? Think about it. As much as Disney and other corny "inspirational" cartoons, literature, movies and what have you, tell you to "follow your heart", the bible tells you the complete and utter opposite.

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? -Jeremiah 17:9

The Holy spirit can speak to you through your conscience. Satan tries to possess and control us through our hearts because we are born with defective ones. Full of sin and all types of evil since birth. That's why we have to ask Jesus to come into our hearts and take control of it because that's the only way we can be "Perfect" the way the Bible, and God, calls us to be. I forgot exactly what it says and where...but it was one of those verses Mr. Saintgeorge made me read last week.

This is what obonsam wants....smh

So think of it as litterally a battle between the forces of good and evil. Tug of war, so to speak. Satan tries to pull us in one direction to do what we want to do, which we know automatically goes against God's will because we're all born into sin (Alliester Crowley, "do what thou wilt" you remember that stuff). And God is using our mind, our conscience to speak to us, to make practical decisions and do the right thing...which we know 90% we don't want to do. See how Satan has completely taken over the world and is using the most innocent appearing means to whisper nonsense and evil in our ears?! SMDH!



Culinary calamity

Fourth of July! I was craving a hot dog so bad yesterday, maybe a BBQ and some swimming...but when I get home from work all I wanted to do was crash. Then I started having cravings again. I thought "Hey, I should go have some fried chicken" and then I ventured to the refrigerator to see what could be scrounged up (I'm all about saving money when I can). So I open the fridge and lo, I have a five pack of chicken drumsticks staring back at me. I walk to my pantry, and there is my Cajun breading mix for chicken and fish. So what am I thinking? Oven fried chicken of course! I take out the chicken and wash them off...I decided to take a whiff because they had been in the fridge for at least two weeks. They smelled a little funky...not spoiled though. I have no idea what raw chicken is supposed to smell like anyways. So I wash them off a couple of times and then I decide to throw them in a bowl with some lemon juice (I've seen my mom do this a few times...maybe because she hates the smell of raw chicken). I let them sit like that for about 5 minutes while I'm pre heating the oven to 400. So I'm feeling like a culinary giant at this point. A total food thug if you will. Fearless. I wash them off again, pat them dry and baste them in margarine. Then I put them in the plastic bag with the Cajun breading mix and shake.

I forgot to mention the chicken was skinless. It was gross pulling off the skin, but it looks good, right??

The directions told me to bake for 45 minutes, but I am very very scared of food poisoning. I don't like medium rare chicken, so I baked it for an hour.

This is how it turned out. It looked and smelled amazing!

I cut into the biggest one to make sure it was cooked all the way through. It was, and the crust was good...the problem I had was the actual meat. After you eat all the crust off, the chicken tastes like...nothing. No salt, no spice, NOTHING. Being an African, I expect boldness and spice from everything that I eat. If I had just done a spice rub and baked it, it would've been amazing, or maybe if I had injected it with some form of spicy marinade it would've been so much better. I would've been so proud of myself. But the lack of spice ended up making me sick. It left a terrible taste in my mouth...it basically ruined my night. What can I say though....at least I tried. And now I know what to do for next time. That's one recipe down...I will not be deterred! I hope my next culinary venture is more successful.



"Til divorce do us part"

As much of a romantic as I am when it comes to weddings, I'm also a little afraid of them. Why? Uh...I'd have to say that the 50% divorce rate isn't very encouraging. Seriously. I mean MY parents are still married. I think they've been together for about 30 years or so, but I'm not entirely sure. And they still love each other very much. I can't imagine what I would do (even at this age) if they were to split up. They both came from families of divorce, so I think that strengthened their resolve to stay together forever, as their vows specified. They are old fashioned SDA (Seventh Day Adventist...my religion...yes, it's christian) Ghanaians. They were born and raised in Ghana. I know they probably want me to marry a Ghanaian, so we can pass down the language, traditions, etc. But they also told me they'll be happy with whomever I chose as long as I love the person. How do I feel? I wouldn't mind marrying a Ghanaian...but honestly, the Americanized ones that I've been exposed to out here often leave a bad taste in my mouth. The sad thing is, they're becoming that way back in Ghana too. My dad used to joke around saying he would arrange a marriage for me. If he were to try that now, I doubt he would find anyone to his liking. Divorce was never such a common thing for us (Ghanaians). It was about choosing the right person beforehand, or if your marriage was arranged, just deal with it. Now...I don't know...it's just depressing even thinking about it. What do people really think love means nowadays? "I love you, and I always will, but I just don't feel it anymore". Don't feel WHAT?? Marriage is a SERIOUS commitment. Not like a pair of shoes you can wear for a week and return because you're not "feeling" them. People commonly say during a proposal that they "want to spend the rest of our lives together" or "grow old together". I think when times get hard, they forget that romantic sentiment and most importantly, the portion of the vows that states "for better or worse". Maybe most of the people that get married are so nervous or overwhelmed that they don't realize what they're really saying. If marriage vows were made on pain of death, a lot less people would rush to get married, and a lot less people would get divorced.

In fact, the Bible says the only reason a person can get divorced, (now this is God's word here. Serious) is if one spouse commits adultery. I understand that concept, because if you think about it, that spouse it literally breaking the bonds of marriage. So if, for example a husband cheats on his wife and then leaves her to marry that woman, it's like double adultery, and it is not allowed. Whoever commits adultery is not allowed to re-marry. They are obligated to their spouse and it is up to them to work it out or suffer the consequences. The victim of this adultery is, however, allowed to re-marry, although, working through the marriage is encouraged. I've been cheated on before. It was awful...and I'm not sure how easy it would be to forgive something like that. But I suppose it qualifies as one of the "bad times"...That's why I want to be absolutely 100% sure before I agree to marry anyone.

I hope people will consider the seriousness of marriage before they decide to enter into it. Marriage is a covenant...and I think too many people either forget or don't realize it. If less people rush into marriage without approaching it as an informed decision, the divorce rate, I believe, would be much lower.

A few of my favorite things...in no particular order because I'm indecisive

• Comfort food (yum)

There are few things more comforting to me than breakfast. All manner of carbs and fat are welcome. One can overindulge without judgement...best meal of the day!

• Abstract art

I really enjoy art that makes me think, whether or not it's similar to my own style as an artist. (this one is a little similar)

• Piano; the sound, the music, the actual instrument

• Feel good music, full of tritones

• No reservations AND Anthony Bordain (technically he's not a thing, but...yea)

This looks like a screen shot from the episode in Paris

• Weddings (as much as it shames me to admit...I suppose I'm a romantic at heart *gag*)

• Blogs (duh)

hehehe this is my blog

• Barefoot Contessa AND Ina Garten (I love watching her cook...it relaxes me. and she's adorable)

• S H O E S

I'd probably never wear any of these...but for the longest time I was a compulsive shoe shopper. It's insane. I'm more into flats now because everyone says I'm too tall for heels. They're just mad cuz I'm fierce! 

• Peas; I put them on just about anything

You don't have to love them, but if you don't at least LIKE them, we can't be friends. Sorry. Dealbreaker.

• Europe, and all the countries thereof. What's not to like?

• Fancy clothes....I like dressing up occaisionally

I actually own the gown on the right, in emerald green :-)

...and I don't wear jewelry, but that clutch purse is working for me.

***Please don't try and make this list into the song like the one from "The Sound of Music". I realize I stole the title...kinda, but still.***

F O O D (N O M S)

So, I know I said I wouldn't post for a while but....I lied. I was mad yesterday...because of a lot of things. But I'm a little better today. There's something on my mind. Wanna guess what? FOOD! Glorious glorious food. I'm so hungry right now :-s

***5 minutes later***

I just had some oatmeal so I'm a little better :-) Ok, I was browsing google for some savory tart recipes when I ran across this blog. Completely by accident! But it had the very same recipe I was dreaming about; Caremelized Onion Tart! Does that not look/sound amazing! I want to go to there right now *om nom nom*

 Credits go to Alice, the creator of the blog I linked

I'm thinking of using my Greek yogurt instead of the ricotta cheese though. It's been sitting in my fridge for about two weeks now and I want to use it for something. I also have some pie crust that's been in my freezer since Thanksgiving 2010...I wonder if it's still good (and if so, could I use it instead of puff pastry for this tart? hmmm...). It seems the more I try to plan to cook, the more food I find that I've already purchased, or that my mother has cooked. So I never end up cooking. I have a lot of ideas in my head and I'd like to try them out, but I don't want so much food to pile up. I bought some drumsticks the other day so I could try an oven fried chicken recipe, but yesterday, a friend made some BBQ chicken legs and of course I had to take that home. I took 4 legs home. The pack that I bought had 5. So I'm having chicken all this week and next week. I also have some crispy hot wings in the freezer and tortilla crusted tilapia. I'm thinking I'm set for the next month or so. I think I might be a compulsive grocery shopper or something. I bought whole grain pasta as well. I don't completely get the concept of pairing meals. Like would I pair a meat entree with pasta? Is that too high in calories? Would I add a salad to that? I'm Ghanaian so basically, I eat rice and stew (a fried tomato sauce, usually spicy...not like deep fried, but it starts by sauteing onions until caramelized and you build with the tomatoes and basically any protein or whatever you want after that. Traditional Ghanaian dish) almost everyday. Sometimes with peas (which I love) and sometimes without. So I'm trying "white people food" to see if I can cultivate a more structured diet.

*sigh*

Speak no evil

I'm angry today. No, I'm livid! About what? About things that it wouldn't be in my best interest to post. I'm constantly being forced to do things I don't want, be around people I don't like, go to places I don't want to be. The funny thing about me is, people think I'm soft-spoken, and therefore a dormat of some kind. If I were to always be the way I REALLY am, with no filter, a lot of people would get hurt. Some physically. So I bite my tounge. I smile when I really want to slit throats. I do this AT LEAST 40 hours a week. I have no outlet for my anger. So it piles up...continually. I wish it was money. I'd be a trillionaire! I'm on the edge right now. No seriously. Right now at this very moment, I'm in one of those places I loathe doing one of those things I despise with very little incentive. If a cute woodland creature were to wander into this area...and I had a sharp object handy.... And this one particular voice I keep hearing...for F***S SAKE!

Ok I really can't take it anymore. I'm done. I want to be left alone. I want to do nothing, and be nowhere for a period of time that I deem suitable. I probably won't post for a while. So...

White Noise

I've been watching A LOT of "Say yes to the Dress" lately. I think I might have wedding fever. I'm kind of a tomboy though....not at all the type to be obsessed with people's happily-ever-afters. There's something so intriguing about the show though. I love love LOVE the dresses. Maybe that's the appeal for me...from a fashion standpoint. Some of the styles are crazy to me. I would never think them possible or maybe even appropriate for a wedding. There's this one style where the corseted torso of the dress is very sheer...almost see-thru. I noticed a lot of brides through the seasons have been drawn to this particular style. And I'm sitting here wondering to myself, is this the next big thing?? Take these gowns by Pnina Tornai (who I actually love).

I'm not sure if it's the photography or what, but i get it. This looks classy...in a way. But you can see what I mean about the sheerness of the corset. Ultimately it works in this shot.

It even looks decent in this picture as well. This is a bit more couture of a gown and, well, fashion can be very forgiving sometimes. So I think Pnina kinda nailed this one...but...

...This is a bit much. Seriously. Who would get married in a CHURCH with this on?? ...Then again, maybe that's the point. I like the silhouette and the skirt though.

Pnina Tournai is only one of the many designers offered at Kleinfeld Bridal. While watching "Say yes to the Dress" I find myself wondering what kind of dress I would wear...or rather what would look good on me. I would love to just go try on wedding dresses one day...but there's a lot that goes into it. The consultants at the stores work on commission (at least partially) and are evaluated on the number of sales they make. They actually get really annoyed when people come to try on dresses with no intention of purchasing a dress, because that takes time away from a client that might possible purchase one, and thus takes away a possibly commission. But through everything, even dealing with a client that won't buy, the consultants have to keep a smile on their faces and a cheery attitude. I would not be a good consultant. I already don't like people. I wouldn't enjoy kissing butt for a sale or having to kiss butt whether or not I was going to make that sale. It would drive me insane. I would go off on a customer like "are you going to buy or not, because I have clients waiting" and then I'd get fired. At the same time I understand the appeal of the job. Seeing all these wonderful dresses transform otherwise plain people into something spectacular, knowing you're impacting a person's most special day, not to mention the epic discount AND array to choose from for your own special day. Plus, they probably make a decent amount of money. Kleinfeld is kinda posh.

I have said before that I probably won't end up getting married because I felt a lot of pressure from the Ghanaian community...well actually I decided I would go a long with whatever God has planned for me. But I honestly can't help planning out (secretly) my perfect wedding when I watch shows like this. I decided that I would love to honeymoon in Europe. That's about as far as I've gotten with my planning. But I'm not worried. Ha...it's only a distant thought...but every so often, the rustle of taffeta or the shine of ivory satin brings my mind back to it.