Ah yes, Valentine's Day. A time for love. A time for flowers, candy, expensive gifts and romantic dinners. A time for...Bankruptcy. Let's call it what it is, folks. Valentine's Day is nothing but a government cash cow created to further fatten the wallets of crooked bureaucrats; silent partners that invest in seemingly innocent businesses; retail, restaurants, florists, etc, all the while siphoning the hard earned cash of working class people into impenetrable, untraceable offshore accounts.
I'm not a conspiracy theorists. You don't believe me, I don't care. Does anyone know the real history of this ridiculous holiday? According to History.com, the answer is no. It's all speculation, just like my "conspiracies". Yet every year around the second week of January, after all the Christmas stock has been liquidated, department stores begin their displays for Valentine's Day. And every year on February 13th, men scramble like frightened headless sheep to these same stores, making reservations, buying cards, chocolates, wrapping paper and of course, condoms. What, you didn't know? When do you think these sex toy stores (that everyone pretends they've never been to) make the most money? Guys do all this crap and spend all this money to get LAID. So, if you haven't sealed the deal yet, and it's not your first date, expect some pressure on Valentine's Day. Mama always said nothing was really for free.
And yet, even in grade school, we are conditioned to participate in this crazy American ritual. Elementary school Valentine's Day activities are the beginning of the social hierarchy that follow through to High School and beyond. Does that sound crazy to you? It's the truth. If you think about it for a second, you'll see I'm right. All the late bloomers and chubby kids shoved into a corner with sympathy valentine cards from their parents and the teacher, and those horrible chalky candy hearts with stupid grammatically incorrect sayings on them while the pretty ones who later become the popular kids in high school flaunt how many cards, candies and gifts they've received, each display of narcissism greater than the next. I suppose school is as good a place as any to learn about injustice.
I know you're probably wondering if I'm single. The answer is yes. And no, I'm not bitter about this unnecessary "holiday" at all, let alone because of a relationship. It's true that I've never had a romantic one. Even when I wasn't single. But I don't care. I'm not a sappy person, so trying to find a gift for someone to prove that I care about them even though it's just another day on the calendar to me, isn't my idea of romantic or even mildly enjoyable.
Isn't it interesting that Black History Month is the third thing people associate the month of February with? Almost fourth, actually. Number one being, of course Valentine's Day (which I'm really getting tired of typing at this point...ironic, I know), the second being whether or not it's a leap year, and Black History Month just barely beating out shortest month of the year.
It's not singles awareness day. I don't have anything clever to call it. My advice to everyone is, save your money for something more important.
Happy Ides of February Eve, everyone. Guess I thought of something clever after all. :-)
